


addicted

by ccandycait



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cute, Depression, Drugs, Gay, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Panic Attack, Some Fluff, Woohwa, but their lives are fucked up, ceo!seonghwa, model!yeosang, san is basically a prostitute, woosan best friends, wooyoung too, yeosang is kinda shy but not shy enough to not go home with a stranger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:02:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26745577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccandycait/pseuds/ccandycait
Summary: san overhears yeosang at a club and gets a little desperate. he swears he’s just in it for the money. he doesn’t fall in love with anyone, not even pretty soft blond model boys. especially not those.—tw mentions of drugs, depression, sex. i’ll tag accordingly as it comes up in the story.
Relationships: Choi San/Kang Yeosang, Jung Wooyoung/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> i got inspired for this after listening to the same song on loop for like an hour so here u go.
> 
> it’s going to get more in depth about san’s personal life as it continues so just bear with me. it gets sad. :)

Yeosang hadn’t planned to get mixed up into anything messy tonight.

When tagging along with his friends to a nightclub, he hadn’t felt too negative about it. After a long work week of modeling, of people taking pictures of his made-up face from every angle, and of taking off and putting on different outfits a million times, Yeosang had decided that he deserved this.

It was a Saturday night. He and his friends were going to have fun.

He was seated between Seonghwa and Mingi, immediately bringing the feeling of being small as he was squished between them in the booth that they had scored for the five of them. It had been a little difficult with how packed the club was (thank you, Saturday night), but Yunho had managed to tower over and push his way through the crowd to snatch a table that he had thankfully spotted in the corner

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of Mingi’s hands go up to flag down a waitress.

“Can we get another round of shots?” The younger’s voice echoed in his ear, and suddenly Yeosang felt a shot of adrenaline.

“I’ll pay for them all,” Yeosang countered, letting the waitress know to keep them on one bill and to let Yeosang handle it at the end of the night. The claim was followed by several whoops and hollers, and Yeosang couldn’t help but grin. Seonghwa clapped him on the back and Yunho reached out to do that manly hand-clapping thing that Yeosang never understood. 

“Ayy, Yeosangie! Who the hell would’ve thought!” Yunho singsonged, happily downing the shot that had just barely gotten set in front of him. “You almost never wanna come out to places like this, and now you’re paying for shots? What gives?”

“Works been stressful,” Yeosang admitted, sipping his shot down in comparison to Yunho throwing his back. “It’s not like I don’t have the money to pay for it, either -”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure hyung has more money than all of us combined,” Jongho chirped from his spot next to Yunho, mirroring Yeosang’s calmer movements. 

Seonghwa huffed, sliding his empty glass to the middle of the table. “Not like I took over my dad’s business at the age of twenty-four or anything -”

“Yes, hyung, but I’m still pretty sure that Yeosang makes more money than you. He gets like a bajillion dollars a shoot.” Jongho quirked an eyebrow back at Seonghwa, and the eldest just rolled his eyes at the youngest and let them have their argument.

“I mean, it’s not like I want to flaunt it!” Yeosang protested. “I just - I have more money than I need and I don’t have anything I wanna buy right now.”

“What about that drone you wanted last month?” Mingi hummed.

“Bought it already.”

“So... you can lend me extra money, right?”

The little quip earned Mingi a round of laughter from the others, and Yeosang just knew that Mingi was soaking up the ego-boost.

Next to them some feet away was a table that the group hadn’t really paid much attention to, too absorbed in their own actives to care about others. 

Two boys sat at said table, dressed in too-tight clothing that was obviously for the purpose of gaining attention. 

One was named Choi San. A boy with a handsome face and an even more-handsome build. Next to him sat Jung Wooyoung, one of those boys that you could only look at and think of the word ‘pretty’.

San and Wooyoung were not exactly the type that you’d call conventional. They weren’t ashamed of their position of, ahem, sex workers, but they never stoop so low as to say they were involved in prostitution.

No... San just liked to say that they were smart and pretty.

Said boys were currently fixing the blond boy in the booth next to them with narrow gazes, sizing up their possible next target.

“Did you hear what he just said?” San quipped, leaning his cheek in his hand. “A model - a _model_! Imagine being able to say that you have so much money you don’t know what to spend it on.”

Wooyoung laughed, sweet and high-pitched and getting a few heads to turn. Of course, not the blond’s though. “Right? And no wonder he’s a model - he’s gorgeous. I bet he has a shitton of cash in that wallet of his. Or a shiny black credit card.”

“Oh, I just _know_ he does. ~” San sighed. “Should we try him?”

Wooyoung pursed his lips, his gaze unmoving from the booth of five. “I think you should try him.”

“Why only me?”

“Well, judging by how his friends talk about him not wanting to go to places like this much, he might be a bit shy. He doesn’t speak as loudly or yell like his friends do, either, so two of us might overwhelm him.” 

“Ahhh. ~ So smart, Wooyoungie!”

Wooyoung twirled the straw around in his empty cup as he smiled, eyes darting to San. “Plus, I have my eye on that sexy guy next to him. The one that said he owns a company? I don’t care if he makes less money than the blond — he’s hot as fuck and I’m sure he still makes more than enough.”

San only laughed at that, going back to eyeing the boy across from them. “Then I guess I could shoot my shot, huh?”

“Go for it, Mister Bigshot.”

The two snickered as San scooted his chair back from the table and stood up. He was glad that he hadn’t gone for the whole rave outfit tonight — he probably would’ve intimidated the boy. 

Instead, he just had his black jeans that look like they were pained on his lower half and a muscle-fitting shirt of the same color. Maybe he had overdone it on the eyeliner and the choker, but he should be fine.

Yeosang was pretty distracted at this point, having had another shot and was laughing his ass off at Yunho and Mingi’s current argument about certain privacy issues.

“You should know what a sock on the door means! You went to college for a year!”

“Just because I went to college does not mean that my roommate ever had sex while —”

“Sorry to interrupt what seems to a very important argument, but I think I need to ask a favor of one of you. ~”

The noise instantly ceased. Five heads turned to face the edge of the table where a stranger stood with a smile, his dimple popping near his cheek.

Without answering the newcomer, Jongho turned back to the table, asking incredulously, “Do any of you guys know him?”

A chorus of no’s rose from the table, but Seonghwa was the one to address him.

“Sorry, but um... Do you need something?”

“Not anything difficult. I just want to ask that blond boy right in the middle of you two if he wants to dance. ~”

Once more, a series of ‘oooooh’s’ rose from the table in response. Yeosang’s cheeks were quick to color red, dark eyes widening at the sudden request.

“Yes, _you_ ,” the boy retorted, somehow managing to stuff one of his hands in his jeans pocket. “Why not? You’re extremely handsome and, dare I say it, I think you’re really pretty. Can I have your name?”

“I - ”

“His name’s Yeosang,” Mingi answered for him, and Yeosang shoved him in the side with his elbow. He ignored the whine of pain that came from the taller and turned his head back to the boy at the head of the table.

“Right... I’m Yeosang. And you are.”

“San. Pleasure to meet you. Now, would you wanna...?”

San held out a hand, an invitation, his eyebrows quirked up in question.

Yeosang was finding it hard to speak. 

“He says yes,” Yunho answers for him this time, using a hand to indicate Seonghwa to move. “Hyung, get out of the booth so Yeosangie can go dance with San!”

“But I -”

“Do it?”

Another huff came from Seonghwa, but at least he turned to ask Yeosang if he even wanted to get up.

“Do you want to? I can still keep an eye on you from here, the floor’s like, right there,” Seonghwa asked, his eyes gentle. Yeosang was secretly glad that he had lowered his voice, had taken the time to ask. At least one of them was sober.

Yeosang thought it over for a moment, his eyes darting from San to Seonghwa.

He did say that he was trying to let loose this weekend. Maybe dancing with a stranger — a possible friend, maybe — was something he could use to loosen up.

“Sure,” he finally answered, and the smile on San’s face was so bright that it hardly matched the sexy persona that he had tried to put on.

Seonghwa nodded, patting Yeosang’s shoulder a couple of times before standing up so that Yeosang could maneuver himself out.

Within seconds, San’s hand was in his,  
and he was pulling Yeosang towards the floor. “I promise I’ll keep your friend safe,” he called to his table, and then Yeosang was whisked away. 

The air shifted when they stepped onto the floor, the temperature hotter and the amount of space between bodies getting lesser and lesser.

“So how old are you?” San quipped, already moving the beat, with a skill that Yeosang could only define as experience.

Yeosang, however, was not very accustomed to being on the floor without his friends, so he felt a bit out of place as he swayed from side to side. “I’m twenty-two. ‘Ninety-nine.”

“Oh, we’re the same age then!” San exclaimed, his smile never faltering. The conversation seemed all that the boy wanted to know, though, because the next thing he knew, San was grabbing onto his hand again and pulling him a little closer. 

“Come on, don’t tell me you don’t know how to dance!”

“Ah, well, normally I’m out here with my friends -”

“We’re friends now, aren’t we? In fact, I think I might wanna be more than that.” San’s voice came out in a sweet hum as his eyes did a quick-glance over of Yeosang’s body. “I meant it when I said you were pretty. You’re one of the prettiest boys I’ve ever seen, Yeosangie. ~”

Yeosang was actually pretty accustomed to hearing compliments on a daily basis, but hearing it from San, a boy who practically radiated sex - it kind of threw him off balance for a second.

“O - Oh -”

“I mean, I would never do anything without your consent,” San murmured, the hand in Yeosang’s sliding up his wrist to his shoulder, then tangled itself in longer blond strands. “But to be honest? I really wanna do something more than dance.”

San had gotten closer, and Yeosang wasn’t exactly opposed to it — he was nervous, but he was nervous about everything. His cheeks were absolutely burning red, he was sure, but he could pass it off as the heat on the floor.

When Yeosang didn’t answer, San took it upon himself to turn him around and place firm hands on his hips, his lips right near his ear.

“Like I said, if you don’t want to, I’d be happy to leave you alone, but...”

Yeosang could feel San’s breath ghost over the shell of his ear, warm and intriguing. He swore that there was the lingering sensation of the boy’s lips on his neck, and Yeosang’s mind went blank. 

The boy’s hips were moving against his ass and Yeosang could _feel_ it. His hands were a little tighter on his hips, but San said he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to. That was nice enough for Yeosang to believe him; San didn’t look sleazy enough to just take off with him and murder himx

He _was_ a bit tipsy, though, and maybe his judgement was a little clouded. It wasn’t like he got action with others on a daily basis — not that he was a virgin or anything, but it’s just not something he does often — so it wasn’t really difficult to get his attention.

He wasn’t shy enough, at this point, to deny anything. He wasn’t that prude.

“I - ah — sure —” Yeosang breathed out, trying to crane his neck to look at San. 

San, however, seemed to have other plans, already pressing himself close to Yeosang. He was moving along with the beat, sure, but his movements were much slower now, and his hands were practically roaming underneath Yeosang’s shirt now —

He wasn’t sure he wanted a bunch of strangers to see him grinding against someone else on the dance floor.

“San-ah,” Yeosang called to get his attention, his hand slipping over one of San’s. “I’m not sure I wanna do this here, though.”

“Wanna go back to my apartment, then? I live in the complex that’s like, ten minutes away.”

Yeosang knew that complex. Hongjoong lived there - he should be fine.

“Sure, let me tell Seonghwa-hyung -”

“Is that the guy that let you out of the booth?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Just wondering.”

The two stumbled out of the club after Yeosang had gotten okay and the normal ‘be careful’ message from Seonghwa. Yeosang wasn’t stupid, but he always just told himself he needed to have some fun. He had also left his card with the promise of buying the drinks.

“I’m surprised you’re okay with this,” San hummed on the way back, having driven in his own car. “You don’t seem like the type.”

“To go home with random strangers?”

“I guess. You seem quiet. And kinda shy.”

“I... I had a good amount of shots tonight, not gonna lie.”

San just laughed at that, and Yeosang couldn’t help but smile at how sweet it sounded, how cute the dimple was that showed itself in San’s smile.

Maybe Yeosang was interested in getting to know him.

That was a thought for when he was sober, though.

It didn’t take long for San to lead him to his apartment door after getting out of the car, pulling him inside and then locking it afterwards.

“Thanks for trusting me,” San mused, kicking off his shoes and tossing his keys on the counter near the door.

Yeosang shook his head, ready to say that it wasn’t anything like that, but before he could get a word out he was being pressed up against the door, San’s lips on his neck.

God, this guy was hot.

“God, Sannie,” Yeosang breathed out, one of his hands reaching up to hold onto the other’s hair. 

San hummed happily in response, already pulling at Yeosang’s shirt, wanting the blond’s clothe’s off as soon as possible. 

The lights were still off so Yeosang couldn’t really see that well, but it wasn’t like he was going to judge San for where he lived. He could already tell from his area that he probably didn’t have that much money, but it wasn’t important to him. Yeosang wasn’t that much of a bitch.

“Y - You wanna do that in the bedroom? I just - I think it’ll be better,” Yeosang stuttered out, already keening when San’s hand had traveled downwards, palming at the front of Yeosang’s pants.

“Sorry, it’s just — god, you’re so pretty —” 

San’s words earned a soft moan in response and San couldn’t help to laugh quietly. “Someone’s got a praise kink.”

Within the next moment, San was pulling Yeosang around the corner and down a short hallway, then leading him into the last room in the right and flicking on the lamplight.

Before he knew it, he was being pushed down onto the bed and San was on top of him.

He just hoped this wasn’t a single fling because god, this boy was cute and he seemed to know a thing or two about flirting.

Yeosang had no regrets about what he did that night.

He also had no idea just who he was involving himself with.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey this is short and kinda filler but i needed to progress the story and i wanted to update! at least i’ll know what direction i’m going in now. this was the hardest thing to come up with 😭
> 
> thanks for checking in! ❤️

When Yeosang woke up the next morning, the spot next to him was empty.

Bright light filtered into his eyes as they fluttered open. The slits in the blinds had made a pattern over his face, causing the blond to throw an arm over his eyes to try and will away the disturbance so he could return to his peaceful sleep.

Yet, the unfamiliarity hit him when he realized he didn’t _have_ blinds in his bedroom.

He pulled his arm from his face and stared at the ceiling, trying to focus from the slight tension that he could feel gathering at the back of his head. It was probably an oncoming headache, which meant he’d have to find ibuprofen...

There was a quiet sigh as he pushed himself up from the pillows. The moment he realized that he was shirtless was the moment everything from the night before came rushing back to him.

And just those memories alone made him want to fall back into the mattress and sleep for eternity.

Yeosang had really done that.

He looked to his left at the empty space in the bed, the covers thrown back and the sheets rumpled. San... San, San, San -  
Did he ever get a last name? He couldn’t remember one.

Yeosang stared for a moment, blinking as he got his thoughts together, before finally deciding to swing his legs over the edge of the bed and get up. It was quickly regretted due to the dull throb that ached in his skull, but that was ignored in his search for his shirt from the night before.

It had ended up by the edge of the wall near the bedroom door. He bent over to pick it up, and when he straightened back up, he was met with a note written on bubble-gum pink paper, probably to get his attention, taped to the back of the door. 

_sorry i bolted, i had stuff to do. text me the next night you wanna have a good time.  
but next time, you’ll have to pay for it. my services aren’t free ;P_

_\- san @ 32-886-xxxx_

Yeosang skimmed over it and was significantly pleased to find a phone number. He was at least happy San wanted to have some sort of contact. He had read the part about having to pay, and he briefly pondered the line, but the thought was discarded when he assumed San was just teasing. 

He seemed like the type.

Now Yeosang didn’t see himself as the naïve type even though Yunho and Mingi have pointed that out several times. They would note how Yeosang’s so quiet because he’s always fantasizing about the perfect love scenarios, the perfect love story — the like. 

When he thinks about going home with a guy from a club... Yeosang doesn’t exactly think romance. Leaving his phone number, though?  
That could leave him a little hope, right? 

He pocketed the note and shuffled out of the bedroom, knowing that he was going to have to get his shit together if he was going to have to call an Uber to get home.

So because Yeosang was a nice person, he fixed the sheets and the bedspread on the mattress that he had taken part in messing up the night before after getting his clothes back on. It made him wonder what exactly San did that he had to leave so abruptly like that -  
It wasn’t his business, obviously, but...

San seemed like such a fun person; it was only natural that Yeosang was curious. He was interesting... so different from Yeosang’s own lifestyle.

Yeo liked to live safely. If he hadn’t been tipsy the past night, it wouldn’t have been very likely that he would have even gone home with San. He stuck with his friends and didn’t really reach out to make others often. He had enough friends to be happy, he would think — he was content to to just sit in the dorm and read with Seonghwa or compete in video games with Mingi.

Those were his favorite things to do.

Yet, San seemed like the type of person to take a road trip on a whim at one in the morning, or the type to decide to drink for fun on a Tuesday night just because he can.

Or maybe Yeosang just reads too many fiction stories.

This was what he was emotionally invested in when he was sitting in the back of the uber that he had called, staring out the window at the buildings that were swiftly passing him by. San hadn’t been very far from the club, but Yeosang’s apartment was somewhat of a distance so it took a little longer... but it was only more time to stare at the window and think of the cheerful smile on San’s face.

He was so curious of just exactly who San was. 

Yeosang pulled the note out of his pocket that he had snatched from the door San stuck it on. It didn’t take much thinking for him to pull his phone out and start adding the contact.

Maybe he was a little too eager.... or maybe he was lonely.

_text to: san_

_hi :)’_

That was simple, right? Easy enough.  
The response was immediate, to Yeosang’s delight.

text from: san  
 _hey 😏  
this yeosangie?_

_text to: san  
yeah i got your note  
i had fun yesterday_

_text from: san  
oh yeah? me too ~  
do you wanna meet again?   
idk how busy u r but !!_

Yeosang grinned softly to himself. He never thought that he’d be the type to meet someone at a club of all places and become fond of...   
His version of romance was softer. More... meaningful, maybe? Sweeter?

But he wouldn’t complain. San was sweet enough.

_text to: san  
sure  
do you wanna maybe go somewhere tonight  
we can get food  
your friend could come  
and seonghwa-hyung_

_text from: san  
howd u know about woo and ur friend???_

_text to: san  
i figured it out when u asked about him._

_text from: san  
oh!  
but sure id love to ❤️❤️❤️❤️   
woo can come too ~_

_text from: yeosang  
of course  
wanna go to the new italian place that opened two weeks ago? it’s really good_

_text from: san  
isn’t that like really expensive 😅😅😅😅  
i would but u saw my apartment ...._

_text from: yeosang  
oh don’t worry i got it! me and seonghwa hyung can take care of it!!_

San grinned to himself as he stretched out on the chair that he had so gratefully claimed a spot in behind the counter of the convenience store that Wooyoung worked at.

San always asked Wooyoung why he’d take such a shitty when they make enough money doing what they do, but Wooyoung only told San that he got so incredibly bored during the daytime (in those words, too). San wasn’t going to argue — maybe he was just a bit lazy.

“Hey, Wooyoungie. Look at this.”

“Hm?”

Wooyoung shuffled over to stand next to San and bent over to read the text messages. After a second, he glanced up at San with a similar, sly grin.

“That was too easy. It only took you, what, two minutes to get him to agree to paying? The man that you are, Choi San.”

“What can I say? People love me.”

“Oh shut up, you’re so annoying sometimes,” Wooyoung retorted, flicking the older in the forehead before taking his spot in front of the register once more. “But you’re too useful to kick out so I have to keep you around.”

San snickered before looking back down at the messages.

Yeosang sounded a little whipped... he wasn’t gonna lie. He was used to this, though. Seducing people, having them fall in love with him, getting their money, then taking off. It was a cycle. These people got so desperate that they started paying him for his services, for his attention, for _him_.

Yeosang seemed a little softer than that. San hadn’t really planned on taking Yeosang to bed because he seemed like the type that would prefer a slower approach (which San wouldn’t mind, he had all the time in the world for people with money like Yeosang had) but, to his surprise, Yeo had agreed immediately.

And San wasnt complaining.

Yeosang was cute, he wouldn’t lie. Maybe if San didn’t live the way he did, he would be pursuing something different with Yeosang. Maybe something softer and sweeter, maybe friendship.

Unfortunately, this was San’s life. San’s life wasn’t soft and sweet. 

So he’d work on what he knew — getting people’s money.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m thinking maybe this will alternate pov’s but i’m not really sure yet?? anyways this may be kind of boring but im still trying to figure out how to get to main plot lol.
> 
> anyways ty for sticking around til here  
> ‘til next time :D  
> hbd kayra i hate u

Yeosang hoped he looked good enough.

Especially for someone like San.

He had studied himself in the mirror for the longest time trying to decide if he looked good or not. He had no idea if the light eyeshadow and eyeliner was too much, but Hongjoong had suggested it and when Hongjoong speaks, it normally goes his way.

He had also squeezed Yeosang into some particularly tight jeans as well as a pink choker around his neck. Paired with a sweater of the same color; he couldn’t help but think Hongjoong was trying to force his pastel goth narrative onto him, but...

He looked pretty, Yeosang would give him that.

San seemed like the type that would be with the most pretty or handsome of individuals and Yeosang was afraid he didn’t quite meet that standard... He was a model, which should have boosted his self-esteem, but when he looked in the mirror, he just saw plain ol’ Yeosang.

It may have stemmed from the personality he had when he was younger, shying away from compliments and believing in the insults. He didn’t get too deep into it now, but he never saw himself as anything special. 

When he and Seonghwa walked into the restaurant, he could feel several pairs of eyes on him. It made him feel a tad over-exposed, but Seonghwa’s guiding hand on his shoulder had him a little calmer.

“A table for four - we have two more coming,” he heard Seonghwa rattle off to the hostess, who nodded and grabbed four menus before leading them to a booth more towards the back of the establishment. “If a San or Wooyoung come through, just lead them here, please.”

The hostess nodded and left them to themselves, only for a waitress to come and take their drink orders. Only after ordering a bottle of wine and glasses of water did Seonghwa lean in a bit, gazing at Yeosang with inquiring eyes.

“So, what’s so special about this San boy? You’re normally not so interested so fast,” he hummed, lacing his fingers in front of him.

Yeosang pursed his lips. “I don’t really know... I just feel kind of drawn to him, I guess? I don’t wanna say I find him special because I only just met him, and barely know him...”

“But you’re interested?”

Yeosang nodded.

“Well, there’s nothing bad about that. We always just took you for the type to want to get to know someone way more than that before getting.... close with them.” Seonghwa smiled gently and Yeosang knew he was just teasing, but he was kind of right.

San was just... charming. And Yeosang was a sucker for sweet people.

He was about to respond, but as soon as he opened his mouth there was a louder voice behind them at the hostess’ podium. He could hear Wooyoung rattling off his and San’s name, and before Yeosang could even turn around there was already a gentle hand on his shoulder, rubbing soft circles into it.

“Hey Sangie,” came San’s sweet tone.

His heart fluttered a little.

Wooyoung came bouncing into the seat next to Seonghwa while San slid into his own beside Yeosang. He had to keep himself from glancing to the side and studying San — he looked good in dark blue jeans and a black open collared shirt. He could hear Wooyoung cooing over Seonghwa about how handsome _he_ looked, but Yeosang was only trying to be more subtle.

Subtle went right out the window, though, when San was placing his hand over Yeosang’s and humming, “You look really pretty. ~“ 

San reveled in the blush that tinted Yeosang’s cheeks. He felt a little victorious, if anything. He was pretty shameless when it came to getting what he wanted; in this case, money.

It wasn’t like he was chasing after some old geezer this time, though. Yeosang _was_ pretty. He was sweet, too, and a little soft. It was cute and San loved cute. It just wasn’t often that he met someone around his age that had the sort of money San liked to go after.

Yeosang pursed his lips at the compliment, stealing a glance at the two across from him that had fallen into easy, playful conversation. He had always been jealous of Seonghwa’s charming ability to talk to people. Yeosang had always been a little more hesitant. San didn’t seem to mind, thankfully — if anything, he just continued to flirt and make comments on the light blush that dusted Yeosang’s cheeks every time he could flustered by something San said.

It was a cycle. 

San and Wooyoung ordered their respective drinks and soon enough, the four of them were sipping on the bottle of wine that Seonghwa had ordered and forgone their waters and sodas. It was pretty much small talk for awhile, asking about school and telling small stories.

It was after they had eaten and were moving on to dessert that San tapped a couple of times on Yeosang’s hand (he seemed pretty affectionate with all the contact and honestly, Yeo was fine with it) and innocently asked, “So where do you work?”

Yeosang popped a strawberry into his mouth, feeling a little guilty with answering the question. It was always a little difficult telling people he was a model because he was afraid it would come off a little obnoxious.

“I’m, ah - I model for, um, clothing lines and stuff...” He trailed off, twirling a lock of hair nervously around his finger. “It’s not something that I brag about, you know, it really isn’t that cool -”

“A model! Of course!” Wooyoung interrupted. “With a pretty face like that you were bound to have a job like that. God, what I would give. ~”

Seonghwa was snickering in front of him, and Yeosang gave him a look to tell him to cut it out. “I didn’t even submit my portfolio myself! My friends did — Jongho and Yunho-hyung thought that it would be funny if they called me — and... they did...”

Yeosang could hear San laughing next to him and despite the flush working its way down his chest, the sound of it had him smiling too. 

“It’s well deserved. I’m lucky to have caught your attention,” San mused, bumping shoulders with the blond. “You could probably have anyone in the room right now, you handsome little thing.”

Yeosang looked away. He was barely able to keep up with the compliments San kept tossing his way. “Says you with your... your.... your _face_ -”

And of course, this just spurred laughter from the whole table; even Seonghwa was laughing along with them, all while Yeosang was hiding his face in his hands.

It was a couple of seconds before the laughter died down, and it was only because Wooyoung had nudged Seonghwa and asked him about his own job.

“Oh, I took over my father’s business. He was a fashion designer and I kind of had a knack for it, too.” Yeosang noticed that Wooyoung seemed pretty interested in this, tilting his head in Seonghwa’s direction and questioning him further.

“Are you, like, the sole designer?” He asked, dark eyes twinkling.

Seonghwa shook his head. “No - there’s a whole team of designers we have within the company; I’m kind of the director, you know? It’s kind of complicated —”

“No, that’s really cool!” Yeosang sipped at his wine, watching Wooyoung cling to the eldest as he continued to question him about his position. “I bet you make a lot of money doing that —”

Yeosang raised his eyebrows at that, but didn’t say anything as he set the glass down.

Seonghwa didn’t seem fazed, though, giving a humble little ‘yeah’ while Wooyoung and San just laughed.

“What about you?” Yeosang quipped, throwing his gaze to San beside him. “What do you two do?”

“Oh, we both work for the same company,” San responded. “We work in the service industry.”

“Oh, are you like a waiter or something?” Seonghwa asked. It would’ve made sense with San’s living space. Not that Yeosang was judging or anything, but he could tell that San was not the most well off... and there wasn’t anything wrong with that. If anything, it made him feel a little bad about coming to a restaurant like this...

“No,” San replied, his finger making rounds on the rim of the wine glass. “We work here and there - it’s hard finding work right now. ~ We just make ends meet, but we’re okay. We can still have a good time.”

Yeosang nodded along. It wasn’t really his business what San and Wooyoung did to get by. They seemed happy, at least to Yeosang, so he wouldn’t pry. 

“Is there anything you guys wanna do after this?” Seonghwa was the one to ask, voicing Yeosang’s thoughts exactly. Yeosang continued to nibble on the third strawberry in his hands, his eyes turning to San, then Wooyoung.

“Do you guys like movies?” Wooyoung tilted his head, a small smile on his lips. “We don’t have anything to do for the rest of the night, so we could go back to someone’s place and watch something.”

“Seonghwa-hyung has a ton of movies,” Yeosang rattled off. ”We could go back there?”

Seonghwa nodded. “I have a lot of different ones — you guys could pick what to watch. And stay the night, if you wanted? It’s not like you couldn’t just borrow clothes.”

Yeosang blinked. He hadn’t thought about that, but then again, Seonghwa was the one to suggest it. He knew nothing was going to happen with the four of them together — borrowing clothes was innocent enough.

Besides, it’s not like he hasn’t already been close with San. He was just _not_ down to get up to something in his best friend’s place with said best friend around. 

San and Wooyoung seemed pleased so that was enough for Yeosang.

Seonghwa and Yeosang split the bill, claiming that it was nothing. It really wasn’t. It wasn’t like Yeosang wanted to brag about the money he had, but why not help pay when Woo and San were clearly somewhere they normally wouldn’t be able to afford?

They loaded themselves into Seonghwa’s BMW with Wooyoung in the passenger’s seat and Yeosang and San in the back, then Seonghwa was taking off to his apartment. Yeosang’s been there plenty of times, enough to feel comfortable as if it was his second home. He was constantly stealing Seonghwa’s clothes, anyways, so it wouldn’t be that different.

It wasn’t really that eventful. It was fun, though, settling onto the loveseat with San while Wooyoung and Seonghwa took their place on the couch. San had picked out a horror movies that wasn’t even that scary but still had Yeosang pressing up against San and glancing away at the particularly loud parts. 

Wooyoung seemed pretty interested in it, though, making comments on the storyline while San repeatedly yelled at him to shut up.  
Yeosang was the first to fall asleep and Wooyoung not long after, having tired himself out with all of his excitement. 

There was a quiet whisper of inquiring where Seonghwa whispered to San of Wooyoung would wake up if he carried him to bed, and San shook his head. He let San know that there was an extra bedroom if he wanted, but San shook his head. The loveseat with Yeosang was comfortable enough.

And normally, he wouldn’t care about waking someone up... but Yeosang looked peaceful. He didn’t want to wake him up.

San shifted to where they were in more of a lying down position and cuddled up to Yeosang more, his head on the blond’s chest. He glanced up to the other in thought, studying his soft, blank expression. He looked innocent — San knew he wasn’t, but he couldn’t help but find him cute. Pretty. Angelic, almost. 

Maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @sanrelics on twitter ❤️


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did not think i would be writing this today but here we are. the end prolly sux bc i was rushing it and wanted it to be finished but i can fix it later if i want.
> 
> tw for an anxiety / panic attack 
> 
> ty <3

“ _What am I even doing?_ ”

It was a sigh as he stared at himself in the mirror and recalled the previous week’s events.

He and Wooyoung had left Seonghwa’s apartment early in the morning the previous week despite not really wanting to leave. He just knew that if Yeosang woke up before San was able to hightail it out of there, he was going to have some conflicting feelings.

Pulling himself from Yeosang’s gentle, warm hold was a bit of a challenge – especially when his bare feet hit the cold wooden floor. Yet, he still listened to Wooyoung’s hushed warnings and got up anyways. They changed into their clothes from the day before heading back to their respective apartments within the same building.

It was around evening now. He had shot off a text to Yeosang after leaving, letting him know that him and Wooyoung had work to do hence their early departure. He wasn’t quite sure if Yeosang was going to be suspicious about San up and leaving early in the morning twice now, but he wasn’t going to question it. Yeosang had confirmed that it was alright, thankfully, but San still couldn’t get the weird feeling out of his chest.

It’s been about a week since he’s seen Yeosang, now, but they continue to text on and off. Yeosang kept saying he’d been busy, shoots being scheduled every weekday. That had to be tiring, San concluded, and left him alone at night, but continued to send cute little text with the sweet kaomojis that were positive things like _’cheer up!’_ or, _”remember i’ll be here to talk to when you get back ~”_. 

He could tell that Yeosang was a sucker for those little texts.

San didn’t have time to text Yeosang today, though. He was supposed to be getting ready to go out that night. He was supposed to be meeting up with this guy that he’s fucked around with before. Some rich, older guy – San didn’t really remember the name. He badly needed the money for this month’s rent, so he should be grateful for the opportunity.

But he wasn’t.

All he felt when he stared into the mirror at his made-up appearance, eyeliner and eyeshadow and all, was anxiety. He didn’t exactly know _why_ , but the feeling wasn’t unfamiliar. There were some nights where he just didn’t want to go out and get the job done. 

All he could think about was the pretty model boy whom he had hung out with the night before. He wouldn’t admit it to a single soul, but San sort of enjoyed his company. If he didn’t live the sort of life that he did, he might even pursue Yeosang further.

But San fucked people for money. San didn’t get the luxury of liking anyone, of falling in love. The plan was to have sex with them, get the money, and get the hell out of there before anybody caught feelings.

He had gone home that night with Yeosang because the model had seemed a bit more timid. Not too timid enough to keep from going home with a stranger, but the sort of person who would be too embarrassed to pay for sex. San had planned to stick around for a little while, maybe get on Yeosang’s good side and take advantage of him where he could. He would maybe hint at a few things that he needed and act like he was embarrassed when Yeosang would offer to pay for said things… that was the whole plan. Yeosang seemed like the sort of person that would be glad to help the less fortunate. 

Yet, San hasn’t gotten any money out of Yeosang so far and still wants to spend time with him.

His head fell into his hands. He had no idea what he was doing. He was supposed to be meeting his dick appointment within the hour but instead, was sitting around and moping because he couldn’t get Yeosang out of his fucking head.

It was times like these where he was the most stressed. He needed money, but he couldn’t physically will himself to get up and go where he needed to go. Maybe he was brave for putting his body on the line like that, or maybe he was just dirty, gross – but it was the only way to get where he needed to be. It wasn’t like he enjoyed selling himself to perverted, old men, but what else was he supposed to do? Nobody wanted to give a job to a loser, high school drop out who had no self-worth whatsoever. There was no going back to his homophobic parents; not like he wanted to. 

He just needed to do his fucking job and get Yeosang out of his thoughts for now.  
San wasn’t allowed to like people. To love people.  
It just didn’t fit into his life.

He ran a hand through already-mussed hair and pushed himself up from his chair that was in front of his mirror. He really did have to go out and get this month’s rent or else he might have to crash with Wooyoung again, and these tiny ass apartments were barely enough for one person so there was pretty much not enough space for two.

After making sure that he looked okay, all signs of panic hidden under layers of foundation and concealer, he slipped on his off-brand dress shoes and forced himself to leave the safe confines of his apartment. 

Just because he was poor didn’t mean he didn’t know how to look good. A lot of his money went towards makeup and clothes, or sometimes his partners would buy him things that they wanted to see him in and afterwards, he was able to keep it. Thank god for that, because he knew he wasn’t about to get anyone in bed with him if he was in an old hoodie and tattered jeans.

Or maybe he could. He was pretty handsome…  
Still, the clothes were worth it.

He called an uber to take him to the club that he agreed to meet the guy at, still unable to get rid of the nervous flutter in his chest. He wasn’t in the right mind to go through with this at all, and all he could think about as he stared out the window at the passing buildings was how much he’d rather be back at home, under the covers and not worrying about anything.

The feeling only got more and more prominent the closer he got to the club. He recognized the area, had been there before. It was the club that he had introduced himself to Yeosang at, too, and the thought made him shake his head. 

There wasn’t any thinking about Yeosang tonight. 

He texted the guy when he arrived, not having the heart to add his little kaomojis to the text that night. He even had to look at the contact name to remember the guy’s name – Kim Doyoung. Basic name for a basic rich guy. 

_’i’m here. ~ what section r u at?’_.

He got the reply almost immediately.

_’i’m in a booth near the right corner. you’ll see me, i’m not hard to find’_

San sighed to himself as he paid the driver with what little money he had left. He honestly felt like getting right back into the car and telling the driver to take him back, but he knew that wasn’t an option at this point. He was going to go home with this Doyoung guy, mess around, and have to spend the night before leaving in the morning like always.

He was so stressed. He didn’t want to, but it’d be fine. He’d done this plenty of times before. San wasn’t quite sure why he felt so unsure now of all times, and he didn’t want to chalk it up to his thoughts being filled with Yeosang; sometimes, he just wasn’t in the right headspace.

The familiar feeling of the bass of the music playing in the background pounded in his chest, and he had to remind himself that it’d be alright. He’s done this plenty of times before.

He followed where he was supposed to go and made his way towards the back right corner of the floor. Sure enough, there was the man he was supposed to be meeting, waving him over from a distance. San could see the shiny glint of the expensive watch on his wrist, and for some reason, it only made the feeling of worry worsen.

“Hi ~” He greeted in that sweet songbird tone of his, lowering to slip into the seat across from Kim. 

“Hey, you don’t have to sit across from me. You’ve met me before. Why not sit right here next to me?”

San had to stop himself from making a face. “Oh, if you’re so sure,” he hummed back. He did as requested and slid into the seat next to the older man, smiling at him so sweetly he was sure his dimples would pop. “How are you on this pretty Saturday night then, Mr. Kim?”

As soon as he sat down, there was a warm hand on his thigh and the painful feeling in his chest spiked. “It sure is pretty, isn’t it? But not as pretty as you, Sannie.”

San could’ve thrown up right then and there.

Yet he only giggled, helping himself to one of the shots that had already been placed on the table. He downed it quickly then tilted his head so that he was looking Kim in the eye, his smile never fading. “How nice of you to say, Mr. Kim.”

“Of course,” the man responded, his and traveling further up San’s thigh and being the reason that San’s breath hitched. 

There really wasn’t much talk in the conversation. Kim kept trying to get San to talk and while San was making conversation, he could barely find it within himself to say anything. San just kept taking shot after shot, hoping that the numbing sensation would flow through his veins and replace the nervous feeling.

Before long, he was lowering himself down to capture San’s lips in his, to which San had no choice but to reciprocate. He felt gross. More gross than usual. It wasn’t long before Kim was running his tongue along the seam of San’s lips, asking for him to open his mouth, and it wasn’t like San could deny him. His lips parted with a whimper and soon enough, he could’ve sworn the guy’s tongue was down his throat. Nothing about this was appealing at all, but he’s done this a million times before. 

It only took but a couple of minutes of this before Kim was wrapping his hands around his waist and lifting him into his lap. At this point, San could say he was more than a little buzzed, not exactly drunk but the shots had done their job. It hadn’t gotten rid of the unwanted feelings, though, only causing it to spread through his veins until he had a headache. The stress really was too much, and despite having alcohol flowing through is bloodstream, the panic was still slowly growing.

It grew until it was too much for him, until he was unable to breathe, until he was breaking the kiss between him and Kim and wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve. 

“I – I’ve gotta go to the bathroom,” he huffed breathlessly, his hands fisting in the guy’s shirt.

“Oh, yeah? Not trying to leave me, are you?” San knew that he was trying to be playful, the smile on his face saying it all, but the words still struck a chord within his chest.

“Of… Of course not. ~ Don’t wanna piss myself while on your lap, though.” 

“Some people have a kink for that, you know,” Kim chuckled, and San just gave a weak laugh before clambering off of Kim’s lap and getting himself upright.

“I won’t be long. Promise.” But San doesn’t know how to keep promises.

As he dragged himself to the bathroom, the lights were slowly becoming too bright and the music too loud. These were all things that he should’ve been used to, that he’s experienced too many times before, but it was overwhelming. He was sort of disoriented and his head hurt, and he was pretty sure that some sort of panic or anxiety attack was coming on.

San confirmed it when he pushed open the door to the bathroom and stumbled inside, then locked himself inside a stall. Down to his knees he went before emptying everything he had eaten before arriving as well as the too many shots that he had downed not thirty minutes before. His stomach was rolling, and all he could do was stay hunched over the toilet bowl until he had gotten it all out of his system. 

When his stomach was pretty near empty, there was nothing left to come out but the pain was still in his chest. He was quick to fumble his phone out of his pocket and text the first person to mind, tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

_> yeosang_

_> yeo_

_> yeo pleas tlel me ur awake rn_

Thank god the reply came not but thirty seconds later.

_’Yeah? Is something wrong’_

San was quick to type the reply – as fast as he could, anyways. He felt like he could barely see the keyboard much less breathe, but he didn’t know where else to go or what else to do.

_ >can u come to the club_

_> the one where we met_

_> pls i need hel p i need hlpe leaving_

The response was immediate.

_’sure, i’m on my way’_

_> thx im in thbathroom_

San breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned his cheek against the cool hardness of the toilet seat. It was probably dirty as fuck, but at this point, he didn’t care. Yeosang was coming. He’d get to see Yeosang again. Sweet, pretty Yeosang. He’d take him back home because he knew where San lived and he’d be able to sleep the rest of the night. He wouldn’t pay rent, but right now, sitting here in the stall in a dirty bathroom in an even dirtier club, he wished he was dead. He didn’t care.

He didn’t know how long it was before Yeosang was barging into the bathroom and pushing past people, asking in the general area, “San?”

“In here.”

Before he knew it, Yeosang was pulling the stall door open and hooking his arms under San’s. He pulled San upwards and onto his feet, and it took all of San’s strength not to fall into the blond’s arms. 

“What happened?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Yeosang didn’t push any further, and for that, San was grateful. Eventually, he had to give in and lean into Yeosang, using him for balance so that he didn’t fall onto his face. Yeosang didn’t seem to have a problem with it and wrapped his arm around the other’s waist so he didn’t do exactly that.

Yeosang had started leading him towards the back exit, assuming San didn’t want to go across the whole floor, but San shook his head animatedly and vaguely gestured towards the entrance of the club. Yeosang didn’t really understand it, San could tell, but he started towards the entrance and made sure that San could keep up. 

A lot of it was a blur. He didn’t really register when Yeosang guided him into the passenger’s seat of his car, or the drive back to Yeosang’s apartment, or even getting inside the apartment. He was way too tired to focus on anything but the model and making sure he didn’t lose his balance. 

The lights were turned on, a bright flash of white, but they were quickly dimmed into near-darkness, just enough for Yeosang to see. Normally, in a situation like this, San would be distracted by the pretty decorations and obviously-pricey apartment, but he was too out of his head to care about that.

Yeosang held onto San until he guided him into the bedroom. San just barely registered Yeosang asking him if he could change his clothes, and San only nodded.

He lifted his arms as directed so that Yeosang could lift his shirt off his body, and shortly after, his jeans were being pulled off of him, too. A too-big shirt replaced his tight one, and then Yeosang was directing him under the covers. He panicked a small bit when Yeosang disappeared for a second, but was instantly calmed when he returned with a glass of water and instructed the younger to drink it before going to sleep.

“You can take a shower in the morning, and I’ll give you headache medicine later, too. Just go to sleep, okay? I’ll stay here until you do.”

“Then what?

“Then I’m gonna go take a shower, then I’ll come back and sleep in here with you.”

San sighed. He was too tired to argue, and while normally he’d be embarrassed to hell and back to put something like this on Yeosang instead of Wooyoung, he didn’t care. He’d deal with it in the morning. The lights were turned out, and soon, the room was illuminated with nothing but the dim light of Yeosang’s phone. The last thing he registered before falling asleep was the gentle tug of Yeosang running his fingers through his hair, something he hadn’t experienced since he was a child being put to bed by his mother.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, i’ll try and put out an update soon.


End file.
